Nudge Randomness
by MaxRideObsessed
Summary: This is something I wrote as a part of Stuck in the Suburbs but turned it into a real chapter. I never actually posted it, so if you're more interested as to what was happening to Nudge, then this'll amuse you. Plus it's funny. Review please.


Stuck in the Suburbs – 5

Nudge really liked 7th grade. It was fun, except for all the learning, and she already saw 5 guys in her class that were boyfriend potential.

One in particular, Jean-Luc, was the only one who didn't roll his eyes when she passed Max's two-minute ramble rule.

He was kind of cute. He had this blond hair, and a ton of adorable freckles. And, of course, completely beautiful eyebrows. He was shorter than she was, but all the guys in the class were, so it wasn't like that was an issue.

And Nora, the girl sitting in computers next to her, was thinking up a storm right now, so Nudge was sitting at a computer, not knowing what exactly to write, because it's not like her life is all that interesting, right? And Max and Fang are just so much better.

I mean, they get all the attention. And Nudge always sits on the sidelines wondering if when she was fourteen, she would be able to get a boyfriend like Fang. I mean, he was strong and dependable, and tough. And he always hid his emotions. But that doesn't mean we couldn't all tell he was in love with Max.

Nudge wasn't jealous. Fang was years older than she was, and he was her brother. She needed a boyfriend her own age. Like Jean-Luc. And his eyebrows. She loved his eyebrows. Everyone loved Jean-Luc's eyebrows.

And all the other guys in her class.

Nudge doesn't really understand why Nora is so obsessed with starfish, but she guesses they're okay. And, of course, Nora is claiming that she is not, in fact, obsessed with Starfish, but nobody believes her. And they are called sea-stars. _Like anyone cares_, thought Nudge_, I mean, there star-shaped fish. Like, what else is there to say?_

Star fish are not fish? Invertibrat? What's that? Like, what the heck? That's a phrase Nudge learned from the people in California. They also say 'hecka' and 'hella' a lot. She liked it. Unlike the stupid people in Santa Cruz. She assumed randomly that all the people in Santa Cruz would think that saying hecka and hella are stupid and wanna-be gangster. Whatever. At least, that's what Nora said, but she didn't really want to include Nora in this paragraph.

Plus, like, saying 'assumed randomly' is soooo much cooler than being all "oooh Nora said this, Nora said that…Nora, Nora, Nora."

People who lived in Santa Cruz are stupid. And they poke you a lot. Nudge thanked Nora for the wonderful information.

Nudge liked poking people. It was fun. Of course, Max yelled at her when she tried, so she kind of gave up on the whole idea. Fang liked it when she poked him.

Nudge was kidding. Of course Fang told her to get the heck off of her the second she started. Hey, I guess she didn't learn the what-the-heck thing from the people in California.

Now Nudge is ranting quite a bit. Actually, a whole page in Microsoft word when she's supposed to be writing something about college. And a job. She hates computer lit. It's stupid.

And the teacher's name is Mr. Dinges. It was the kind of last name that sounded completely dirty even though it wasn't. She bet Max would be pissed off at her if she said it at home_. Diiiiiiiing-ezzzzzzzz_….See, it was fun!

And now people were reading over her _shoulder_. Oops, she just used italics too much. She hated it when people do that. Like, use italics even when they shouldn't. But Nudge wouldn't really know that. She just started using computers really, even though she was highly skilled.

She was a master. A professional. She had mad skiz-ills. Seriously. She loved computers. So she guessed computer lit. with Mr. Dinges wasn't soooooo horrible. Ha-ha. Dinges. Dingus. DIIIIIIINGEZZZZ.

Nudge really should have stopped ranting on her computer, but she liked making Nora laugh a lot. Plus, Jean-Luc was looking at her from across the room and doing kind of a smile thing.

Is that how you flirt? Nudge wondered this. Since she had been admitted into the seventh grade T-minus a while ago, she realized that people used the word flirting a lot. Was she stupid if she didn't know what it was? I mean, it's not like there were a lot of people to flirt with….at her old school.

Ha-ha. Old school. I guess that's kind of ironic. But her old school is gone. Bye-bye. It like, blew up.

Of course, not that she wasn't in love with her old school. I mean, it was like, complete torture. Seriously. It was.

Oh, and when Nudge said Fang back there, she really meant Nick. Because that's his real name. Fang is Nick's real name. Wait, the other way around . Nick was Fang's real name. Fang was his…

Nickname. Yes. Of course. Fang is nick's nickname. When Fnick was a baby, he had teeth that looked like Fangs. Fangs. It kept capitalizing the word Fang, like it was a name or something. Which of course, it wasn't. It was a nickname. Nick's nickname.

Isn't that so much fun to say? Nick nickname dingez! See? It all rolled off Nudge's tongue.

Anyways, what was Nudge saying waaay back there? Oh yeah. Fang is awesome, isn't he? I mean, if there was a boy my age that looked like him I think I would be like, in love. I just wish Max wasn't such an idiot.

Not that she wasn't smart. She was smart when Fang isn't around, or when she's not thinking about him, or when he's being a buttface. He did that sometimes. Be a buttface. Like, he was all "if Ari's anywhere near, I hate Max."

Nudge was thinking about this and also wondering how sad it was that Fang hated Ari more than he loved Max. He left, of course. But, Nudge thought, Part of this was jealousy because he was pretty sure that Ari loved Fang. She meant Max. What an interesting typo, there... Although, he was probably half-convinced that she was his brother, jealousy was most likely eating him up inside. He was probably tormented day and night, caught between his burning passion for Max and his desperate fury at Ari for almost killing him. She could envision the tornado that was his mind, how he was probably missing Max every second of every day, and never realizing it, and trying to be strong and put on a brave face without emotion when he was really a wreck.

Of course, that was all nothing like Fang. Nudge was just practicing for her vocabulary test. Did anyone see how many big, pretty words Nudge used?

But all that didn't matter now, Nudge realized, because Ari was dead.

While Nudge was typing this, Nora expressed sympathy for Nudge's "loss"

Of course, Nora probably had no idea who the heck Ari was. She was probably under the impression he was something of a brother, or a friend, or some sort of relative. A relative with big, hairy claws.

_Yes_, Nudge answered Nora. _That does mean that he had hairy armpits and long fingernails._

She could keep assuming that.

And, of course, all the times Nudge said Fang was only because that was Nick's nickname. He really didn't like the name Nick.

And, uh, who does like the name Nick? It was a very stupid name.

Oh, and Nudge was also sorry to Nora. She had no idea that her father was also named Nick. It just didn't sound very good when associated with Fang; otherwise know as the name he despises, Nick.

All of Nudge's brothers and sisters did have interesting nicknames. If not, why would Nudge have been calling herself Nudge the whole time? I mean, it's not like that that was her real name.

Her real name, of course, was Tiffany-Krystal. Monica. But, Nora knew that Nudge really liked the name Melissa so she had everyone call her that.

Nora really did feel the need to ask why if Nudge loved the name Melissa so much, she was calling herself Nudge all the time. Nudge thought that was a pretty stupid question. Nudge thought that you should be able to call yourself whatever you want, even if it was a stupid name like Nudge.

Of course, her family all called her Nudge because she talked so much. Didn't everyone who was reading over Nudge's shoulder think that was rude? I mean, just because Nudge talked a little more than your average "person" it didn't justify a nickname like that. At least Nick deserved his nickname.

Max could be pretty mean to Nudge about her "ahem" rambling sometimes. It wasn't like she could control it. Nudge just sometimes got excited. Once she tried going a whole day without speaking. It was the worst day of her life.

But people should have been able to create their own nicknames. Like Mr. Dinges. He should have been able to change his name to something un-dirty-sounding if he wanted to. Like, it wasn't his fault his parents had that last name.

Although his mother could have technically kept her last name. Nudge wondered if she did. Nudge thought that if she was about to marry Mr. Dingus's father, she would probably keep her last name. Her last name was Monica, and that was a pretty last name. Dingus (that's really how Nudge pronounced it) wasn't a pretty last name.

Although, if the random woman loved Mr. Dinges's daddy enough, maybe she actually loved him so much that she started to like his last name. So maybe she didn't keep her last name because she was so in love that she actually appreciated the dirty kind of thing. Is there a word…dirty…dirty…connotation? That was what Nora said, but Nudge wasn't sure.

Anyways, yeah. Maybe she already had a bad last name so it didn't matter anyways. Like something even more weirdly dirty sounding that Dingus. Nudge didn't know what that would be, though. Nora suggested Cocktionary, and said the word was from a book about horny college kids she was reading. Nudge didn't get it, but that was okay.

So yeah. If Nudge married a guy, maybe she would like him a lot and actually take his last name. If it was prettier than Monica.

Maybe Nudge would get married someday.

Yes, she would.

She would get married to Jean-Luc, and his fabulous eyebrows.

And she would change her last name for him.

Maybe Nudge should find out Jean-Luc's last name…


End file.
